Several years ago, after coming out of a really bad relationship (that also had its good moments, but I digress), it was overall an emotional roller coaster.
I would be at a very low level of adulthood and consciousness if I placed all the blame on him for the crappiness of a relationship we had, though. I had a hand in it, but at the time, I didn’t know that.
What I mean is that, at the time, I didn’t realize the power in truly, madly, deeply knowing yourself inside and out AND being willing to admit all of your weaknesses and shortcomings so that you can consciously and wholeheartedly grow together with another human. Believe you me, that’s the LEAST of what it takes.
Anyone who can’t or won’t do this with you isn’t interested in growth – they’re either interested in loving things painful the way they are, selfish, or both.
In my case, it’s too bad for me that I waited until after the relationship ended to go on this self-knowledge quest. However, it does take two, so I’m not completely at fault. But I have fully taken responsibility for MY part in it. Hence, this post and many more like it.
That decision resulted in a 2-year quest of personality testing, astrological study, spiritual teachers, guides and new ideas, reading the Bible more often, and an overhaul of ideas and things I had grown up being taught. Some of them I would come to re-frame and understand in my own way.
One thing I knew – God was still at the helm. He never left me, but He wanted to teach me more of who He created me to be.
I also invested in coaching, programs, and experiences that re-shaped my philosophy on relationships, how I view other women, how to use my intuition, and how to create a heart-shaped business that makes a difference and gives back.
Why This Matters
I immediately started seeing things change in my life because of this knowledge I was gaining. Even though I was still subconsciously sometimes repeating certain patterns I had now learned I was guilty of engaging with, there was a new level of consciousness attached to my behaviors. At least now, I recognized it when it was happening, whereas before I was blind to it. This is what studying yourself does for you.
I have been able to let go of bad relationships FASTER – i.e. instead of 5 years, it now takes me 6 months to a year to know if something has staying power, including friendships. 🙂 I’m proud of that.
I also now understand why I hold certain world philosophies, what my life metaphors are, exactly how I see & experience the world, what my dominant mindset is in life, how I BEST express myself in the earth, and my style of communication.
This knowledge changed my confidence in my life beyond what I EVER thought possible. I used to be an introverted, wallflower-type who thought the only way I could be something in the world was being like someone else. I learned through this process that my own power was GENIUS and SPECIAL, and that if I didn’t show up in my own skin, the world would actually be missing out on something great. There’s nothing egoistic about this – it’s the central spiritual design of life.
The problem is most people are walking around living out someone else’s prophecy, listening to the wrong advisors or coaches, living from others’ projections or opinions, wrapped up in religious ideas or terminology, worried about what folks think of them, and scared to take the first step. They’re actually fearful of what they might find if they do this level of discovery in themselves.
Is that you?
I don’t want you to run from it anymore. Because I know as soon as you start down this path, your life will change! Dramatically in bits & pieces until you’ll look in the mirror and be so darn proud of who you are, you’ll cry and thank her.
You can do it. The worst that can happen is that, for whatever reason, what you discover about yourself you didn’t know before doesn’t make as big of an impact as you wanted. The BEST than happen is the complete opposite and even more likely – that you’ll transform so much of who you are, be more conscious, elevate your relationships in every aspect, finally be able to let go of dead-ends in your life, learn to tell people no, move on, release, take responsibility, find hidden themes, and feel an overall reinvention of who you are.
You can’t pour old wine into new wineskins, so what are you waiting for?
I’m here if you want a coach to walk through the process with you – otherwise, I’m still here to help you as much as I can through articles like this.
I believe in you, and you’ve got this.
Self-esteem starts with self-knowledge because we can’t love ourselves if we don’t even know what we’re loving. And we can’t feel significant if we don’t know what to feel significant about.
Photography by Eric Nopanen