It’s the #1 thing I hear and see the most that underlies behaviors in women who stay in bad situations, take treatment they don’t deserve, and/or “hang in there” until they literally reach the end of the rope.
In her book, Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown addresses guilt repeatedly as it relates to shame. I’ll reference some of her research in today’s episode.
Before you listen though, I want you to know that guilt can actually be healed with the power of your mind – I’m going to teach us why and how that’s true today, but I want to be clear that you hold the cards.
If you are feeling guilty about a situation, it’s because you’re choosing to. That may not make sense quite yet, so let’s get into today’s show…
Here are the steps to unpacking guilt:
- First, we encounter guilty thoughts
- “I feel guilty because I ____________.”
- “If I __________, then what if ________?”
- “When I ____________, I feel guilt.”
- We believe the thought that we are guilty.
- We accept the thought and it’s now a reality for us. It’s become real.
- This is where decisions come from – the thought system, and it’s at this point in our psyche, we decide on things – post belief of the thought or group of thoughts.
- Guilt starts to disrupt, because at its core, it’s disruptive (in a negative way).
- It engenders fear
- Anything that engenders fear is divisive because it obeys the law of division.
- The ego is the best divisor – it separates by nature, so it’s great at this. Hence, guilt resides right there in the ego. It separates us from love as much as possible by making us feel bad about whatever it is we did.
- Other forms of division start happening
- Fearful thoughts
- Fear of punishment
- Fear of others’ opinions
Fearful thoughts are the opposite of loving thoughts, so you and I are now operating outside of love & purely in ego – separating us from love (when we continually go on the guilt trip, that is).
Here, the mind has just created a reality and also can start to create illusions, too.
How we experience these different emotions comes down to self-talk. How do we talk to ourselves about what’s happening?
And, as we know – all self-talk happens in the mind. We’re right back to thoughts and what we need to do with them (because it’s our responsibility to steward them).
This is why we must learn to think WITH God (co-creative) and not AGAINST Him. To think with Him is to think like Him! We do that by learning His principles and these disciplines.
This mode engenders joy; not guilt and not fear.
The continuing decision to remain separated is the only possible reason for continuing guilt feelings. Any decision of the mind will affect both behavior and experience. What you want, you expect.
Guilt’s influence can be positive because we can stop fearful thoughts & change the reality with the power of our mind & in thinking through love & not in fear.
When we do this, our behavior & decisions will follow.
In short, to remedy guilt, we must address it directly. Assertively. With intent.
AND we must ask ourselves a set of questions when we encounter guilt:
- What realities have I allowed to be created by believing thoughts?
- What are those thoughts?
- How can I change them?
- What’s really true?
I pray this episode has guided you and bestowed wisdom. If you’d like coaching to work through more of this, I have spots available here.
Thank you for reading & listening,
Photography by Patrick Demarchelier for Vogue Italia, April 2016