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How to Overcome Self-Consciousness and Work The Room Like a Pro

Home / Confidence / How to Overcome Self-Consciousness and Work The Room Like a Pro

Boho_DressesHow many times have you been in a room where there’s a lot of people – the woman or man who is (only in your head) obviously way hotter than you, the one who is wearing a tighter skirt or higher heels, the one with the longest, most gorgeous hair, or the one everyone seems to want to talk to?

Or what about in any setting with lots of people you’ve never officially met before?

This is sometimes the (metaphorical) death of a lot of people’s self-esteem.

You’re thinking:

  • Wow – wish I could wear that!
  • That’s a BRAVE outfit!
  • That dress is so wrong for her
  • I would look better in that hat
  • I wonder who told her that looked okay
  • He’s only talking to her because her dress is about 3 sizes too small…

However, these thoughts are only 1/2 the story.  The ones that are more than likely plaguing you the most are the ones about yourself:

  • I wonder if I look fat…
  • I should’ve worn those heels!
  • I could have rocked that leopard dress after all!
  • I’m mad I changed now…
  • I’m not as big as her (then, insert moments of feeling confident before cratering again – because ultimately, degrading someone else is low consciousness and doesn’t improve your life or make you feel better)

I’m a woman, so you don’t even have to confirm or amen that this happens.  I know.

But about a year ago, I discovered and learned some key things that have greatly assisted me in overcoming this room-matching spirit of comparison that plagues our minds.

I did some research and some introspection about why I was having these thoughts when I would be in a room full of people, because my personality is one that is very strong and confident once I know someone, but shy and observant at first, when I don’t.  I’m very intuitive & observational up-front in these types of settings.

I like to work the room for emotional vibes & feedback, then insert myself where I feel there’s great energy and openness.

I really believe this will transform how you can work that room from now on.  However, you have to implement and do it or it won’t work – it’ll just be another blog “how-to” you read.  Make it a constant practice, and watch your confidence shoot up big time.

  1. As SOON as you enter the room – no matter WHO is there – even if it’s your cousin Cuzzie who you can’t really stand at the family reunion, acknowledge every single person in that room upon entry as being a human being with feelings and a purpose.  One thing I can help you with – start seeing people in 3D, not the narrow-minded, one-dimensional, low-conscious way our society would like us to see people (based on solely how they look).  People, no matter how annoying, rude, nasty, perverted, or hurt, still have feelings and are human, just like you.  Bring it down to human-level & 3D (mind, body, soul).  PS – this doesn’t mean you are forced to accept bad behavior.  It just means you see every aspect of the behavior, rather than just one way.
  2. Realize in the most humble way you can that no one in that room has your exact DNA.  No one has your personality, mind, experiences, childhood, lessons learned, etc.  Those together make up the uniqueness of who you are.  Because you can’t be duplicated, stand those shoulders up and be proud of who you are.
  3. Remember no matter who is in that room, they’ll all go home and use the bathroom the same way you do (in fact, they’ll probably use it at the party or gathering you’re at)!  I can’t apologize – this is just truth.  See yourself as an equal.  You are.  Don’t allow bank accounts or body types to trump wisdom, personality, uniqueness, or divine calling.  Nothing can out-do that!
  4. Make it a point to speak to the very people you might be self-conscious to be around or meet. Immediately stifle any possibility to feel inferior.  Approach, converse lightly, then move on.  Don’t cling, but make it a point to make your presence known in a strong way.  Then, move on.

I can tell you I’ve personally used these & recommended them & they work.

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I would LOVE to know how these help you in the future!  Do you already use any of them?  Have you noticed a huge increase in your confidence as a result?

Add to the conversation by also recommending some more I didn’t mention – I know there are more.

Thanks as always for reading & contributing.  Now, leave a comment & work it this week!

Comments(8)

  • Phyllis Wilson
    October 31, 2012, 5:06 pm  Reply

    Hey Tamisha – great post & great suggestions!

    My personal insecurities come out not so much with those I see as richer (in $$), prettier, thinner, etc, but rather those who I think are more intelligent, or “ahead” of me on somehow in terms of inner wisdom.

    I really appreciate your last point about going right up to them and introducing yourself – the truth is we all have unique intelligence and wisdom, and most of us appreciate learning what makes eachother tick!

    • October 31, 2012, 6:00 pm

      Thank you for sharing that, Phyllis. So true…

  • October 31, 2012, 6:51 pm  Reply

    Good advice Tamisha! I love what you said about how we all go to the bathroom. It’s a good one to remember – especially as you grow and are surrounded by more and more successful people. I’ve been around a lot of celebrities, and when I start to feel nervous, I just remember that they’re people just like me.

    • October 31, 2012, 9:25 pm

      Awesome! Love that, Jen. 🙂

  • October 31, 2012, 9:26 pm  Reply

    Great tips, Tamisha! I use the bathroom one and I really believe that. We’re all equals. It also helps to focus on the other person and just ask questions to get the conversation going.

    • November 2, 2012, 10:43 pm

      Love that. 🙂

  • Angela
    November 2, 2012, 1:08 am  Reply

    I get really overwhelmed in a room of strangers and have no strategies in place but taking a breath and remembering that everyone there is just being human was helpful. Will try it.

    • November 2, 2012, 10:42 pm

      Awesome, Angela. Come back and let me know how it goes!

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