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How to Create Your Perfect Personal Boundaries

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BoundariesI’m sure you’ve had those situations, like me, where you encountered or knew people who had no respect for your personal space or boundaries, whatsoever.  I’m pretty sure I can name some that will be familiar for all of us:

  • The person who won’t stop calling in spite of our requests asking them to stop
  • The guy (or gal) who can’t seem to let us go and continues his/her pursuit
  • The super-pushy salesman (car salesman anyone?)
  • People who approach you in public and make a super rude comment about something that’s none of their business

These are just examples.  I’m sure you can give me some more. 

Some people can be quite invasive and not even realize they’re doing so.  Others know they are crossing the line, but have an agenda to check off, at your expense.

Learning to deal with each unique situation is a bit of a “toughy.”  Honestly, there’s really no cookie-cutter way to deal with these circumstances every single time.

A Few Things to Consider

  • Obviously, if someone isn’t in their right mind or they have a clinical issue, there’s no need to get angry if they’re gettin’ all up in your grill.  They can’t help it.  You need to step back, let love through, and excuse yourself with love & compassion.
  • If someone is hysterically desperate (i.e. needs money, wants you to feel the pain they feel) again, love & compassion trumps all.  Calm them, ask them what they need and maybe try to help make some suggestions if it’s not in your power to help them.  No need to get all out of sorts.
  • I had a situation recently where I was being accused of doing something I absolutely did NOT do.  I know if you’re anything like me, that can feel very abrasive and hurtful in the moment.  For me, it crossed a personal boundary.

In those situations, you need to remember that person needs to find solace and resolve for something that’s obviously bothering them.  That is absolutely out of your control.  I love what Byron Katie teaches – when we push against what is, that is the definition of suffering.

Don’t push against what is.  Don’t try to change another person or lose sleep or any part of your life over what is (how someone is).  Don’t sign up for suffering.  And don’t let it become about trying to “clear” your name.  Continue forward in creating your name, through love, respect, compassion, giving, service, and dignity.  Remember the law of sowing & reaping and move forward…

You can do it.  😉

I will tell you now that there are people who will always push your limits. They will test you in every way possible, from being passive-aggressive to avoidance to downright evil acts.  You will encounter it in business, entrepreneurship, spirituality, and friendship.  You will see it in family relationships, corporate ladders, and freelance opportunities gone bad.

I may surprise you today, because I’m giving you, what I believe, are the only 2 ways to create your perfect personal boundaries.  I don’t think this requires an 8-part list.  So, here they are:

  1. Honor Your Values and Self
  2. Communicate Them

Seems elementary or too simple, I know, but this really does sum it up.

Honor Your Values and Self

Honor the things you hold dear, feel deeply, are a part of you, and make you feel alive and respected.

If you don’t want people showing up to your house uninvited, don’t allow it.  Just because they may be okay with someone doing that with them, you may not value that because it crosses a line.  Honor that.

If you’re vegan, you shouldn’t allow someone to try to pressure you at a party to eat meat.  Honor your values.

Realize that everyone around you isn’t going to value all the things you value.  They may overall, but every single thing you value won’t match up with their values.  Understand this and know the importance of honoring what you do value and allowing them to honor what they value.

Communicate Them

The last way to create your perfect personal boundaries is to learn to communicate them.  Notice I used the word “learn.”

It’s not always easy to do, and as a woman myself, I can tell you I struggle with it at times.  None of us are perfect.  Sometimes, a family relationship is harder to exercise this form of communication with.  Sometimes, there’s other people around & it just feels awkward.

Again, there’s no cookie-cutter way to handle these types of situations.  However, what I find is that there’s always an opportunity for a private conversation, whether by phone or in-person.  I don’t suggest using social media for these types of situations EVER.  Not a good idea.

Interestingly enough, even though social media is “all the rage” these days, when it comes to heart to hearts that need to be had, we’re still all humans and we respond better to in-person interactions if there might be a bit of tension involved.

You can say “hey, I don’t really like it when you get that close to me at work” and make sure they hear you and move forward with more pleasant conversation.  Or “I’d like it if you called in the future before you just show up at my house, out of respect for my family.”  Another example could be “I don’t really need to go shopping and it’s not my thing, but I will go with you if you’d like the company.”

If you’re a business owner or entrepreneur, communicate clearly in all of your marketing and policies and honor them – every time.  And, as always, lead with love & understanding.

ONE THING

Do you have anything to add to anything above?  I’d like to know one situation where you had to really stand up for your personal boundaries and how you handled it.  Be specific so more people can benefit and learn.

Love & Warmth,

(Image Credit)

Are you possibly interested in learning more about the 4 communication styles and assertiveness? If so, go here to sign up for when the next class is offered!

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