Do you ever feel misunderstood? Do you ever feel that way….a lot?
I know I do – it’s one of the most frustrating parts of our existence. We strive to be fully known – to have someone embrace our ideals, thoughts, and opinions.
We desire others to really understand us at a deep level, even if they disagree or their views are different. We really desire to just be…understood.
However, sometimes this is to a fault. Sometimes you and I both can want this to our detriment, meaning we can strive so hard to win other people’s understanding that we drain all of our energy trying to get there.
In the event trying to get others’ understanding on a continual basis keeps happening, here’s 3 things you can do INSTEAD that actually work:
1. Verbalize when something’s part of your personality.
You would be surprised, but this works. When others hear you say something is part of your personality and it’s just how you’re wired, and they can genuinely see you’re content with that, they may have additional little tid bits to say, but it won’t be much – anything beyond that, and your person-hood is being insulted. Most will just accept that – they’ll have to.
Most people respect what is part of who you are.
The key here is not abusing this phrase – for example, eating fruit is not a part of who you are – it’s something you really like.
If you over-use it, you can’t expect that it will be respected.
Stick to using this strategy for personable traits such as “I need alone time often – it’s part of my personality” or “I really don’t like small talk – it’s just part of my personality.”
2. Back away from the argument.
Here’s the thing. When we argue with someone back and forth, back and forth, trying to get our point, personality, POV understood – we are giving the argument power, not the relationship.
Have you ever stepped back from an ongoing argument and calmly said “okay, it’s cool – I am really SO okay if you don’t get it?”
This is powerful. It reverts the power back to the relationship – relating to one another – and makes it less about the power of two people trying to be understood.
When you genuinely let someone know you can let it go or agree to disagree, it’s amazing how understanding sometimes suddenly appears! It doesn’t always, but I’ve had this happen to me so many times – when you calm the atmosphere, understanding comes a lot easier.
3. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
There is nothing more powerful than showing someone else you fully understand their POV, if in fact, you do (don’t say you do if you don’t).
As humans, this is all we want – understanding & connection. Think about how powerful YOU feel when someone looks into your eyes and says “yeah, I get it.” It’s like warm honey to our minds. We crave understanding from another person.
So, in the same way you know that, genuinely let someone else know that you fully understand them first, THEN you can have your turn.
This is the beauty of being a giving individual. You have the opportunity to selflessly give to another with no promise of a return.
[quote author=”Stephen R. Covey”]Seek first to understand, then to be understood. [/quote]
Now, I’d like to hear from you…
Have any of these worked for you? Will you be trying any of them? If I didn’t list something that either works for you OR you have used before here, please do share it below. I welcome your perspective & stories.
Thank you for being here!