Expert-level fitting in.
It’s when an individual has become the master at being a chameleon – they can be this for them, this to them, and this when they need to be. We’ve pretty much all done it. I don’t know if we’ve all been experts. Probably, though.
Nevertheless, we’ve done it. We’ve traipsed down that path of being an expert at fitting in to society expectations and group desires. We’ve learned how to please everyone and no one.
Because the truth is – no matter WHAT you do, you’re disappointing someone. It’s inevitable. It’s how the world works, and what makes the human experience human.
Even when you “fit in”, you’re still disappointing someone by sheer nature of fitting in in that place and not somewhere else. But if that’s where all of your eggs, validation, and self-acceptance are, what happens when that group, crew, or clique disappoints you, betrays you, or crumbles? What then?
There’s nothing about “expert-level fitting in” that can really be boasted about. However, you’ve probably been caught (like I have) bragging to yourself that you “have a crew” who you “fit in” with. It’s a silent validation that says, “oh yeah, I’m someone because I fit in with this crowd” instead of “oh yeah, I’m someone because I feel genuinely and authentically myself, and they love me just the way I am. I don’t need to change who I am or modify myself to still be 100% loved and accepted by them.”
Do you hear the difference?
Here’s the truth. When you get ready to do something different or brave in your life, your proverbial ‘wilderness’, you will truly know who your crew actually is. If they even exist. And really, if they don’t exist, you gotta get comfortable with the fact that you might be your only “crew”.
Are you okay with that?
In today’s episode, I’m going to chat with you once again from Braving the Wilderness, the newest book from University of Houston professor and vulnerability researcher, Dr. Brene Brown.
We’re going a bit deeper beyond the topic of stories we discussed in the first episode in this installment, Braving the Wilderness Starts With What You Tell Yourself. In that episode, we learned that before we can start talking about courage, vulnerability or true belonging, we have to be REAL about the stories we’re living from, whether healthy or unhealthy.
Today, we pick up there to talk about what’s next in the process – stopping the need to fit in all the time, and changing what it even means to truly belong.
Thank you for loving these types of conversations like I do and being here. These conversations matter, and can transform the way we relate to ourselves and the world around us.
Stay brave and true this week. I’m with you the whole way.