[Podcast Ep. 25]: Assertiveness Training - A Lesson in Feedback & Opinions
Hint: It has NOTHING to do with you....
One of the things each of us face on a daily basis is feedback & opinions coming into our space.
By nature, "relation"ships require relatING to each other. Typically, a huge way we accomplish that goal is by communicating with each other, which almost always includes sharing opinions about things, people, & ideas.
We share opinions about politics, fashion, social media, how people act, work issues, family issues, etc.
However, we've never really been taught another way to interact with feedback we receive from others. Most of us have grown up modeling what our parents did and what most of society does - reacting to the feedback received in the exact way it was given. So if Suzy is spewing negative comments at you, you will probably react with that same level of intensity and passion. If a boss tells you your presentations and language haven't been good at the office, you may internalize that and think a lateral, matching thought about YOURSELF: "Well, then that means "I" haven't been good at the office, and I guess I'm not a good employee."
We naturally gravitate toward how our egos deal with feedback - by internalizing everything told to us. And even more often, we take it to the extreme emotion in order to make ourselves feel better about the feedback.
Goodness - can you agree with me that this strategy just doesn't work?! How negative and sabotaging does this energy feel that this is how we typically process things!
Psychologically, we will internalize and process every opinion about us that comes into our space UNTIL we do the work to reverse our thinking about it. In truth, we have to act against what our brains naturally do, which is act on an urge to correct a behavior or "fix" something based on what someone else just said to us.
MOST people not only internalize what comes in, they also REACT to what comes in - often emotionally, abstractly, and irrationally - especially if it's negative in nature. The brain is wired to try to match what is desired to what is coming in from others. This is why we can end up living life in people-pleasing mode! Disconnecting from compliments is a whole other topic, yet related.
Highly sensitive people or empaths (like myself) may traditionally handle feedback & opinions even worse than the next person, since our nervous system is literally wired differently - we feel and process in a completely different way neurologically, so that negative energy or words affect us on a higher scale.
In today's special episode, I'm going to teach you a completely NEW way to deal with feedback and opinions.
Here's what's on the menu:
A quick review of all the places feedback comes from & its various forms (i.e. work, boss, family members, social media trolls, etc.)
What's happening internally when someone gives you a compliment vs. negative feedback about yourself (based on research).
How to forever change the way you process feedback! (This is SO fun to learn & start using - you don't have to wait).
The incredible confidence & power that comes from this valuable swap in thinking
The other side of the fence: How to now approach and think about the feedback YOU give and how you can do that differently knowing what you know.
Now that you've listened to the episode, I'd love to know....
What's one example of a situation where you received negative feedback and mishandled the feedback you received? AND now that you know what you know about it - how would you now handle that SAME situation differently?
And finally, a quote SO appropriate for this conversation...