[Podcast Ep. 24]: How Control Sabotages Confidence. (And What It's REALLY About)
The issue with control...
"The issue is in too many people needing someone they SHOULDN'T need and many of them learning harsh lessons from THAT experience which eventually brought forth the belief that we, as humans, should NEVER be in need of our partners. Lips full of fear do not say things to help love grow, just things that keep them from being hurt again " --@gentlemenhood on Instagram
I was recently exchanging emails with someone, and the person said they "maintained control at all times" in relationships via a strategy they use when dealing with relational bonds with other human beings as well as their own heart.
Honestly, I disagree largely with the approach, and it triggered the creation of this episode.
I shared this perspective anonymously with a few other people of both sexes to get their takes, and it was interesting to me how many people said they do the same thing or close to the same thing - attempt to control relationships or outcomes by convincing themselves they are actually in control at all times by guarding themselves.
The problem is - no one can possible always be in control. And, like is stated so eloquently in the quote above, lips full of fear don't have the capacity to help love grow - all fear can function as is a protection mechanism. And truly, that's ALL it is. That's all CONTROL IS. Protection. Armor. The deception that I can protect myself at all times from being hurt again or having to be truly intimate with another.
If this is you, in the most loving way possible I need to tell you that this strategy is sabotaging your own self-confidence and it's actually about something else - not control.
There's something beneath the control that's driving your need for it, and we're going to find out what that thing is in today's episode.
Here's what we'll chat about:
- What the need to control things, people, or outcomes is ACTUALLY about
- What happens to control when there is peace and a healthy relationship present
- What control is about in relationships
- What control is about in friendships
- What control is about at work
- The main way to move beyond what's driving the need for control