You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” –Louise Hay
I’ve been busy lately trying to get ready for the Spring.
I’m super excited for the Spring this year because there’s so much “new” that’s surfacing and finally coming to life.
I’ve been preparing the Spring course collection, Assurance, which will be 6 luxury lessons on the most respected form of communication (which we all know and believe is assertiveness).
I’ve also been designing the private portal for the In My Skin program participants, which several people have already started signing up for via the VIP and early notification list, so make sure you check it out.
In doing a bit of reading online like I always do on sites that have really content-rich articles, such as Fast Company, The Harvard Business Review, and a few others, I stumbled upon a post that shows astonishing new research on the surprising and powerful links between posture and mood.
I read about a philosophy called ‘embodied cognition‘ which emphasizes that the relationship between our mind and body runs both ways – basically, we think because we do but we also do because we think. The form of our bodies triggers our mind.
The article mostly focuses on this correlation between posture and how we feel. It cited research done with a group of students – some who sat slouchy with their heads down and another group who stood straight up, while they had to record a series of answers to questions.
They dispersed a list of questions concerning their future work success and ethics, and there was an astonishing difference between the negative energy and thoughts written down from the slouchy, bent over group and the positive energy and hopefulness of the “standing tall” group.
The slouchy group was extremely unsure of what they had written down, whether it was good or negative.
They were even able to tie collapsed sitting and walking – and yes, staring down at our cell phones constantly (ahem) – as directly correlated to the rise of depression in the last few years.
As I’m reading all of this, I’m both hopeful and sad. Hopeful because I know there’s a better way, and sad because I understand the effect it’s having on people who want so badly to feel this confidence in themselves.
Because assertiveness and confidence go hand-in-hand, I became most interested in sharing this, but more-so in going a bit deeper to the ultimate result of the research – that the real struggle isn’t necessarily position, although that is a contributor to the inertia and energy level we exude, but that the root of feeling confident in what we say is truly about trust – and trusting ourselves.
If I were to make a layer cake, it would absolutely have to go in this order, most important ingredient first:
WHAT’S TRUE? > TRUST > CONFIDENCE > ASSERTIVENESS
There’s no way you can be confident without really really trusting who you are and what you have to offer the world. That comes from being deeply honest with yourself when answering the question, “what’s true [insert your name here]?” When you really get honest about that answer, then and only then can you trust your own thoughts:
- I’m worthy
- I matter
- I have something to offer
- I’m the bomb dot com
- I’m sexy
- I’m powerful
- I have confidence
- I can teach that
- I can start that business
- I am who God says I am
Once we trust ourselves, confidence follows. And assertiveness isn’t far behind. Assertiveness as a way of being and living and communicating has to be cultivated, whether or not it comes naturally or has to be learned.
This is why I do the work that I do – I want to help you close the gap between asking “what’s true”, which is the deeper work and helping you communicate and express it to the world, which is the surface-level manifesting of that work.
Confidence in your own thoughts is and always has been about trust. If I can help you trust your own thoughts, there’s no telling what you can do.
What are you thinking? Share with me in the comments, and have a good week!
Want more on assertiveness? Check out my signature eCourse, Assurance, here from my Spring, 2015 course collection.