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Assertiveness Training: Letting Go of The Battle

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Healthy Assertiveness Credo: I will let go of the battle

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assertiveness1Assertive communication is not just a form of communication – it’s a lifestyle.

It’s a way of communicating and showing up in the world that has to be chosen, time and time again. Learning it correctly allows for it to be a repeatable process, I can guarantee you.

As life moves forward, different situations will rise to the occasion of asking you to be honest about who you are and what your truth is – this is the best way to practice assertiveness as a lifestyle – consistently answering those situations with consistent answers.

So….our first credo in this training series asks us to “let go of the battle.” But what does that really mean?

For me, throughout my life, it’s meant different things at different times. I specifically recall letting go of the battle a few years ago, working for a man who was verbally abusive towards me at work. I understood he was from a culture where women are seen as “beneath” men, but I wasn’t going to be spoken to in the tone or with the words he spoke to me in.

He would call and curse me out over very minute details – and I was a damn good office manager for him. He had no right to treat me that way. Staying in the battle was what I chose for a long time – I would just take the calls, not say anything, and I would fight with him back. Tooth and nail.

That was a picture of what it means to stay in the battle. Staying in the battle is about control. It’s usually about burying your truth in order to ‘win’ and have the upper hand – to be proved right or feel good about winning a words war. People who enact this are in battle (usually with themselves, but you wouldn’t know that because of how it manifests).

You wouldn’t think it, but it’s actually a passive aggressive approach to communicating – it’s by no means assertive.

Letting go of the battle meant verbalizing that I was uncomfortable with how he was speaking to me. It meant walking out (and yes, sometimes risking not having a job the next day). I never did – he knew I was serious and always asked me to come back.

Letting go of the battle meant owning my truth – that I’m a woman who deserves to be respected and spoken to in a respectful manner. It meant being assertive about what I expected in his communications with me, and it meant to actively be pursuing other, more meaningful work that served my strengths. 

So tell me – what’s happening with you right now that feels like you’re “in battle” and you know better? How can you let go of the battle and do what needs to be done to honor yourself?

If you need or want my help or perspective, I’ll be in the comments.  

Talk soon,

Tamisha

(Image Credit)

Are you possibly interested in learning more about the 4 communication styles and assertiveness? If so, go here to sign up for when the next class is offered!

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