Guidance for a More Harmonious, Purposeful Path Forward
A lot of people have the idea that the only places where they can directly express themselves - with passion and clarity - are in places where they feel safe. For example, if I'm at home, I can just say what I mean and know I'm safe to do so without fear of consequence.
However, put me in a place where I'm not quite sure when to speak up, how to be direct & communicate what I want, or explain why my point of view matters, and I clam up or stay quiet.
This is the essential fear of assertive living, and it stems from a lack of education about its voice as well as a misconception and mislabeling between assertiveness and its ugly cousin, aggression.
Typically, when men are assertive, they're called leaders, amazing, "good at what they do." When women are assertive, they're bitches, hormonal, or having a bad day.
Not only do we need to modify our language - we need a ton of education on how and why this is not true or appropriate.
I know all too well how it feels to be searching for a better way to communicate my internal thoughts, feelings, & ideas.
As an introvert who wasn't shy, I still struggled always being passive - I'd let people tell me what to do and how to do it and not speak up for myself when it didn't feel right. I said yes to a lot of things I didn't want to say yes to for years.
That felt stifling.
I was aggressive at times - I'd get way too upset about things and let them anger me. I wasn't good at considering others or their perspectives.
That felt non-authentic and made me not like myself.
I was passive aggressive - aggressively pursuing an outcome by passive comments or behavior was something I saw people in my family doing, so I learned the behavior.
That was draining and felt wrong on every level.
I didn't like being in the shadows of my more extroverted friends and always catering to their wants, needs, & schedules.
As I exited graduate school, I started studying the 4 communication styles, but the one that felt really really good to me was the 4th kind - assertiveness.
It felt right - like I was honoring myself and my space, my voice and my desires - the more I read about it. It felt harmonious - I could actually include others and listen to all sides of a story or argument, MINUS the manipulation or passive aggressive ways. This was NOT the way communication was modeled for me, so I had to UN-learn those ways.
This was all new to me! New behavior, new language, and definitely a new perspective. I had to learn it though. I had to learn how it spoke, how it behaved, and how its voice sounded.
I had to learn assertiveness always says, "you matter, and so do I."
I learned this slowly, through a series of life scenarios and began to incorporate what I was learning into my every day.
I started saying no to events way more often, getting comfortable protecting my time, standing up for the fact that I'm a responsible adult who doesn't need to be micro-managed, and believing more in my work.
I learned there was a better way of communicating that didn't involve me leaving myself, my brain or ideas at the door and still allowed others to be considered.
In these last 12 years working in corporate, I also started to coach & mentor women & notice trends, such as fear to ask for raises, mindsets around why they couldn't do something they wanted to do, competition or jealousy among women when their colleagues would advance over them, ruthless & aggressive comments, fear of speaking their minds for fear of results of doing so, and much more.
As a result, I wrote a 6-week digital course called Assurance that now informs the concepts I use in my coaching.
Assertiveness Coaching is for you if ANY of this resonates. Here's a list of things we can address in our sessions:
- Learn the 4 different communication styles & their voices; how to finally make the switch.
- Address fear-based thoughts, such as "I'm afraid I might _____ if I ______."
- Learn the 7 ways fear shows up and how to address the one you're in.
- Work through standing FOR something or AGAINST it - the 2 pillars of assertiveness.
- Become trilingual - I'll help you start learning body language, mental attitude, and verbal language to bring assertiveness in slowly to your every day.
- Learn how to not fear direct & clear communication (and teach others how to start receiving this from you).
- We can address your posture, tone, & eyes.
- Learn how to be more confident in what you say, how you say it, and comfortable with your own brilliance.
- Learn how to handle anger, resolve conflict better, handle critical feedback, say no when it's necessary, and handle rejection and/or failure.
- We can work on meetings, negotiations, presentations, visible first impressions, invisible first impressions and interviews.
- We can also work through building your personal power - things like clarity & vision for yourself, values & beliefs (including limiting ones), confidence, and building better relationships.
How It Works
Everything happens in one place - you will book below including payment processing, getting on my calendar, and/or adding a free consultation if you'd like one. *You will schedule the free consult separately.
You'll receive a welcome email and how to prepare for our session as well as a reminder when it gets close to time (24 hours before).
There are no messy invoices, and you can book as many sessions as you need at a time. For example, you can book one session or 5 sessions to happen at the same time every week/on the same day. Let's get started empowering you, shall we?!
During our sessions, I will challenge you to grow and give you as MUCH value, resources, knowledge, coaching, and heart as I can without overwhelming you.
Who I Work With
- Assertiveness coaching is designed for people who struggle with being passive or not speaking up in some area or who need help with any of the things listed above. Often, you can have assertiveness mastered in one area and struggle in another.
- Assertiveness is often mislabeled as aggression, so coaching is also good for you if you feel like you're not sure in a particular area how you're communicating - we can work to refine your approach.
- ANY area you feel passive in, coaching will help you move into a more bold stance.
- I like working with people who are smart & ready to take bold action. They know it might stretch them a bit, but they're tired of being in a bad pattern. If you aren't prepared to take action, please don't sign up for coaching.
- I have always been particularly interested in - and have worked with - introverted women the most, but that's not all my clientele. I'm an HSP, empath, INFJ introvert, so I'm poised to greatly understand you at an even deeper level if you're any of these.
Book A Session Here
How is coaching different from consulting?
I'm glad you asked. Coaching is more of a relationship - it's not just picking my brain for something specific (which consulting is great for), but rather you actually needing guidance through a situation tied to assertiveness, boldness, confidence, or the lack thereof. Coaching often is best done and results achieved through multiple sessions. However, since everyone grows at varying pace and gains their 'aha' moments differently, I like to leave how many sessions in your hands.
Will I have homework?
Sometimes, yes! Taking action is a very necessary part of being an active participant in your own forward progress. I may give you things to pay attention to, writing assignments, or direct actions to take.
What do I need to prepare?
All you'll need is a computer or phone. All sessions are recorded and sent to you for reference, and all session notes are always available upon request. You'll receive call-in info in your welcome email after booking.
Is this counseling?
No. I am not a counselor! Please know that my coaching is based on personal experience and real-life scenarios/situations, but it's not medical therapy. However, some of my past clients have described their time w/ me as feeling "therapeutic"...so there's that. :-)
How many sessions do I need?
You can book as many or little as you want - go with your heart on your own progress.
Warm Words from Past Clients
"Just a huge thank you for allowing me to be part of coaching. It felt as if our session was a years’ worth of therapy wrapped up into 90 minutes. I have a greater sense of self. Just yesterday, I found myself impatient with my children. I quickly remembered what you told me about being in control. I asked myself what was I trying to control and quickly realized I just needed to redirect my focus. Both myself and my children thank you.
There are two things I loved most: One – you challenged my perception of myself. And you were spot on. Two – you gave me tangible, actionable things to implement in my life that will make a difference, including a custom book list which I eagerly anticipate getting my hands on. I’ve used some of the techniques you gave me to use for business conversations, and I’ve had so much more confidence. I decided to embrace my shyness and work through it instead of over it. It’s going to take time, but I feel so much better. And that’s more than I had before, so thank you.
I worried about my availability to do coaching. I thought I wouldn’t have enough time, but the time commitment on my part was minimal. In fact, the most time I’ve spent was completing the questionnaire which took about 2 hours. That time was so beneficial, and the rewards reaped were much larger than expected. If you are a woman and struggle with understanding yourself or how to portray your specific personality traits as an advantage or want to learn how to help others understand you, I recommend Tamisha wholeheartedly." --Taynia
I was not 100% sure what the final outcome or goal would be for the price of the service…the more I read, the more I knew that I needed to learn more and in some way be involved. I had put off jumping in because of both time and finances. With two daughters in college, I wanted to be certain this was something that would benefit me to the fullest. It did!
I have read through my personalized portfolio numerous times now, and each time I read it I understand a little more about myself and why it is important to understand who, what and where I am in my life. The process has actually sky-rocketed my confidence by allowing me to understand how far I have come in many different areas. It has also helped reset my mindset regarding my abilities and accomplishments and has caused me to be more secure with where I am today. I feel more positive, confident and clear and ready to move forward in all areas of my life.
Coaching left me feeling like I received a lot more than I expected! The best part was the outcome – learning about my strengths and how I can use them going forward. I love how much new material I received and love all the bonuses and extras! I feel like this has completely accelerated my path. This is unique, valuable and useful – a game changer!
I am so appreciative for all the hard work and heart that Tamisha put into this. This was exceptional. Thank you! This will be my ”go to” for some as-needed confidence building and even some direction for many years to come. --Deb
I didn't have any hesitations about coaching. Everything was well laid out ahead of time, and I received more than I expected. The feature that I liked best about this product/service was the personalized Pinterest storyboard and private website Tamisha created just for me. I like being able to revisit the details, track my progress, and modify (add/delete) as desired. I would recommend this service to any woman who is more interested in knowing how her dominant forms of expression are playing a role in who she is at this moment in her life, and who she wants to be in the future. --Patricia