Ask T: Are There Some Women Who Would Be Interested in Dating Me? (From a Shy Introvert)

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PowerCoupleFrom time to time, I will get questions from my readers in email, whether it’s to clarify something or explain something in more detail. On rare occasions, I also have people write me heartfelt beautiful emails who need advice. Since I’m an advisor, obviously I love it when I get questions in.

Recently, a male reader from this community reached out to me, and I wanted to share his question today, along with my advice and answer. Some information has been deleted and/or modified slightly to protect his identity.

[gdlr_divider type=”thick” size=”100%” color=”#000000″ ]Question from Sean:[gdlr_divider type=”thick” size=”100%” color=”#000000″ ]

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Dear Ms. Ford,
My name is Sean, I’m 24 years old, and I contact you to ask you a question about women, if that would be alright.

My question is: Are there some women who would be interested in dating me?Here’s a little bit about me. I’m an undergraduate student who re-entered college two years ago and is now very successful academically. I work part-time and attend school full-time, and I can articulate my long-term goals very well as well as the reasons I want to pursue these. But, that’s not all. I’m committed to my own personal growth and am working on the two most important human relationships there are: (1) my relationship to myself by working on my self-confidence and (2) my relationship to others by being more considerate, honest, and respectful.

However, I don’t have a car and not even a driver’s license. I simply don’t need these right now. I commute to work/school via bicycle 1.5 mi. each way. Furthermore, I still live with my dad and he is very gracious to allow me to do this as I pursue my long-term goals. So, getting a car, a license, and moving out are simply not my goals at this time. Rather, they reflect other people’s expectations instead of what I truly want. So, why create totally unnecessary burdens to live up to the expectations of people who don’t care (i.e., of society) and risk not attaining my goals? Of course, eventually, I do want to own a car, have a license, and move out. But, first things first.

Also, I’m unique in the sense of being very intelligent as well as talented in multiple areas such as music, writing, and photography, and a quirky though fun-loving and sometimes shy introvert.

I feel insecure because I don’t meet the criteria of having a car, driver’s license, and living on my own — but also, because I’m not necessarily like other guys. My personality is kind of dorky, but in an independent-thinking, quiet sort of way. Please forgive me for putting it this way, but… people tell me I’m REALLY smart. I don’t say this to boast. OF COURSE there are people who are way more intelligent, and many people who are “gifted” in many diverse and beautiful ways that are unique from me. But, I still stand out very often, and my hope is to find a girl who can complement me (a kind one who can maybe pursue me a bit and have good interpersonal intelligence on top of being assertive, witty, and sharp).
I’m lonely and yearn for that companionship. It’s natural to want this, but I feel bad because I don’t live up to society’s usual expectations of what this should entail. Let me be clear: I want to take things SLOWLY in a dating and relationship context, AND, for instance, would happily pay for the gas if the girl were to drive. I’d even be willing to pay for the date on top of the gas (if reasonable and if I can afford it with my modest income)!
Bottom line: I think equal footing is a good thing. A partner, an equal. (Please be sensitive to the fact that I embrace egalitarianism.) And, I think the qualities I have are sufficient to the girl who can appreciate them. But, I don’t know if such a girl exists.I don’t know. I feel crushed. So, I just wanted to ask… Are there some rare girls out there for whom my values and goals and personality would be enough, despite any self-perceived shortcomings?
I contact you because I read your article on the 15 aspects of assertive introverted women that men love, and because I sense you know what you’re talking about. I’m so sorry for such a long e-mail, but I do hope to hear from you, and do hope that this e-mail was informative.Thank you very much for your time and consideration.


[gdlr_divider type=”thick” size=”100%” color=”#000000″ ]Tamisha’s Answer:[gdlr_divider type=”thick” size=”100%” color=”#000000″ ]


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