As women, we hold a lot of power. Most of it however, we don’t tap into and utilize for the simple fact that we don’t understand how to use it.
We can’t possibly use something (and maximize it for that matter) until we know it exists.
Once we are keen on the power we hold, using it for the greater good is our next responsibility.
The very moment we misuse our power – to manipulate, abuse, coerce, undermine or trick in any way, we’ve made that power obsolete.
The moment we abuse our power or use it to manipulate someone else, we’ve also engaged with emotional AB-use. We’re projecting onto someone else what we ourselves feel. We’re saying “I need your story to be my story.” The moment we feel or accept that story that’s being projected onto us as the recipient in that situation, we feel stress and possibly suffering; both of which separate us from our purpose.
Today, I started to ask myself, “if abusing the power isn’t an option and my purpose is equally important, how can I use it for good? What do people need from women in this culture that is beyond hips, lips, and fingertips?
The answers that flowed to me are plenty. They came from sitting with the different ways I see different women show up – at work, in love, in relationships, and with themselves. What they’re scared to reveal. What fears and desires lie beyond their social media channels. What they feel they can’t speak about, because well…”there’s just no one else who has that experience”.
These are the tapes that play over and over again. I see it. Every day.
The power we hold is hiding behind all of this. Often, we can be guilty of giving our attention to the veil instead of going behind it.
Assertive communication is not every woman’s strong suit. Believe me, I know. I’m one of the most assertive women I know, yet I’m very discerning with how and when I speak up. I’ve been proud to watch and listen to women’s stories over the past 7 years who have either taken my assertiveness course or read my blog express how they were getting more bold in their daily lives in some way. I couldn’t be happier than when I hear a woman say to me that she decided to ask for something and got it, and sometimes even got more than she asked for – money, deals, responses, raises, discounts, a relationship she needed back, you name it.
A woman who is direct and can speak for herself will always end up feeling like she honored herself – even if she’s denied what she asked.
By nature, assertiveness embodies a hidden power. And it’s healthy. It’s simply you saying, “hey, I have values and this is them.” Whether you’re asking for clarity or want something to stop, speaking up is the hardest part of the path – once you conquer that fear, you will feel the freedom that comes with it.
Have a passion for something.
If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. Super cliche. Even more true.
Your creative expression is paramount in your purpose development and is essentially what draws others to you.
Let me tell you – I thought I would NEVER be a style blogger. I didn’t know what the heck I was doing when I started. And do you know how long it took me to work up the courage to hire a photographer the first time?! I spent months mulling over it, watching other bloggers and learning how to do it. Having the conversation with a girlfriend of mine one day made the decision for me – because I realized something – I could give advice all day and tell people exactly how it’s done, but why the heck wasn’t I doing it if I knew so much? It seemed ludicrous.
So I acted on the passion, and now it’s one of my favorite things to do! I’m already planning my fall outfits.
The point is this – our culture needs a woman who is passionate about something beyond materialism. It needs a woman who knows how to empower or teach others, lead by example, and show how to be kind to other women! It needs a woman like you who can engage in relatively intelligent conversation instead of gossiping constantly or in everyone else’s business. It needs a woman who’s comfortable in her skin.
It needs your passion.
Develop an encouraging spirit.
A lot of people are down and you’d never know it.
Try to cultivate a positive spin on as much as possible – no one needs any more negativity.
The world is chock FULL of negative thoughts, media, outlooks, and slants.
When we try to be the women who are always looking for the best spin to put on things and keeping it in light, we draw the right kind of connections.
The exact energy you exert out into the world comes back. And usually ten-fold.
Change the negativity tape. Change your world and thus, THE world.
A world full of right connections is a damn good world.
Make good decisions.
This is pretty self-explanatory, but “good” can be relative. When I say good though, I use it in less relative terms. Good meaning healthy for you and something that honors your value system. Decisions that you’re proud of – pure & simple. Decisions that create healthy results and a healthy energy in your life.
Smart. Well thought out. Thorough. Timely.
Even when it’s a difficult decision, create some type of personal filter you can use each time to ensure you’re making it good.
Create an environment.
I’m an incredibly domestic female. I LOVE being at home. I’m very introverted, and I crave silence about as much as an extrovert craves a social crowd. But I understand that not all women like being at home as much as me nor are some of them interested in home decor and making things look “just so.” I get that.
However, if it’s something you want to learn, it’s learn-able. If it’s not, consider other ways you’re creating an environment around yourself. Some people call this a “vibe”. Whatever it is, it’s essentially the way you make people feel or how they feel when they leave your home, your desk, your life or your presence.
There’s many ways to create an environment for others to benefit from your energy and wisdom – make it count please.
Let’s face the music – women are some of the best manipulators out there. Some are better than others. I hear stories all the time of women doing really conniving undermining things to get what they want. Sometimes I just shake my head.
I put this one last because it really embodies all of the other aspects I listed above. As a woman, you have the power to communicate directly and purely about what you want and how. You don’t need to feel guilty for saying exactly what you mean.
Communicating purely is about having pure motives. Not doing under-handed things to get attention, creating a scenario to work in your favor (or otherwise prevent something from happening), or something similar. I see this all the time – it’s so frustrating because it doesn’t have to be that way.
I want us to get more comfortable just being who we are.
These are only 7 of the things I see modern women missing opportunities to discover and/or give to others. If you can think of more, I’d love to hear them in the comments.
As always – and from my warm heart to yours – thank you for reading…
Photos by: Emma Hardy