“Needing someone doesn’t mean you’d be lost without them.”
This quote is by one of my favorite relationship coaches, Matt Hussey.
It gave me the idea for this podcast episode.
I love the premise because it essentially lets us know that by the mere “needing” of someone else or even desiring their help, doesn’t in any way indicate that we’re helpless or that we’re completely dependent on them – it just means we need their help.
It also doesn’t mean that if they say no, we should be rendered powerless or out of our elegance when we don’t get what we want.
As a strong woman – a woman with a strong, intense personality – or a confident, assertive one – however you want to phrase it, it’s important we draw some distinctions in how we understand & contextualize asking for help.
This episode is dedicated to pointing out how we can lean into being our strong, confident selves while not relinquishing our power completely just because we ask for help or decide to utilize our relationships.
The vulnerability balance
- The vulnerability balance is mastering the ability to open yourself up to say “I need you” or “I could really use your help” without feeling less than or like you’re somehow not good enough because you could actually utilize help. It’s being okay saying you need someone else without it threatening your sense of self or being. It’s recognition of your own humanness.
- It’s also a way to confidently address and accept your own flaws. Because when we can ask for help, we can also usually acknowledge where our own flaws and weaknesses are. THAT is what’s confident, and THAT is what’s attractive. Not the person who doesn’t want to acknowledge her flaws, so she never asks for help & can never humble herself to say she needs it.
- Another thing to keep in mind – help doesn’t always denote “helplessness“. Help can simply mean that a woman needs your intellectual stimulation, time, or ideas. It doesn’t always carry sexual connotation or implications that she needs your money, and in business, it doesn’t mean we are trying to take advantage.
The service-first mentality
- This is about just what it says – service first. This mentality wants to serve before it receives. It’s able to properly receive AND serve, but it’s greatest desire is to serve first.
- What it does is it keeps us humble. The logic is that, if we can cultivate a mentality to always be of service, then we will be more readily to also receive it, and the ability to receive is a manifestation of an internal confidence (the true kind). The truly confident woman is able to receive and say “thank you” when she does so.
- Ways to serve: Thinking ahead (thoughtfulness), Planning, considering time, preparation for something, doing something you weren’t asked to do, but know needs to be done (proactive).
The give-value mindset
- This goes hand-in-hand with the “service first” mentality, but it takes it a step further and says that however you serve, you want it to be of value to the person. Is it something they like? Is it something they need? Is it something you heard them say they want? Is it going to uplevel their confidence or faith in a project or themselves overall? If so, it’s probably valuable.
- Giving value takes service first and puts a “no price tag” on what you’re offering. In other words, it’s good for us to head into situations with this mindset because it opens us up for receiving amazing things, new relationships, and opportunities.
- By the sheer receiving of these things, we’re acknowledging our place as a confident person, but that we also can always use and appreciate our resources.
As it relates to asking for help – tell me – what is most difficult for you about it?
I’d love it if you’d share, and thank you for listening.
Much love & appreciation,
PS – Get my newest audio course that’s completely complimentary – it’s a 5-part audio class on having more confident relationships. You can sign up to get it instantly here.
Photography by David Urbano